A Leader’s Character: Love

Christian leaders must love their people

Another essential aspect of a Christian leader’s character is that he must love those he is called to lead.

While “love” may be defined many different ways, I’m going to draw from the apostle Paul’s words in Philippians and say that love is valuing others more than you value yourself. There are a couple things for us to notice here:

1. Love begins in the heart — with how we think and feel about others.
2. Love requires humility — not thinking that we deserve God’s favor more than others, or that our position as leaders makes us more valuable than them.

Love is not just about how we act toward others; it’s a heart-posture. If it’s a masquerade, it isn’t love. What I mean is, that it’s not enough for us to act loving. That’s not really love at all. If it isn’t flowing from a transformed heart and produced by God’s Spirit in us, it is not love. Real love flows from the heart. It means we genuinely desire the good of others — even if that comes at personal cost.

Christ is the ultimate example of a loving leader. Though he claimed authority over his disciples (“You are my friends if you do whatever I command you” — John 15:14), he committed to care for them even if it cost him his life (“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” — John 15:13). And he modeled what he taught, loving them even as they abandoned him to the Jews and Romans, and dying for their sins even as they forsook him. His leadership was not limited to issuing commands; it led him to give His life to rescue them from sin.

Though there are definite differences between Christ’s authority and any authority we have, the basic pattern is the same. Christian leadership is not about what you can get from people, but what you can give to them. It’s not merely about mutuality — it’s about Christ-like sacrifice. It’s about love.

I’m sure most people agree that love is essential to good leadership. Many would put it at the top of the list of necessary character qualities. But even though this is probably the most-widely agreed upon trait, it is the hardest to live out — at least if we define it the way Paul does. It’s hard because it’s not merely something we do. It requires a heart which rejoices to see other people prosper and grow.

I emphasize this because I’m afraid our leadership is often motivated by something other than love. I’m thinking of parents who, in sinful pride, care more about their child’s performance (and how that affects their public image) than what’s going on in his or her heart. And of pastors who lead because it soothes their insecurities or makes them feel significant — covering up a lack of real relationship with Christ and security in him. And of ministry leaders who accept positions of influence because it gives them power and clout. I wonder how many of the leaders we think are fruitful and effective will not receive our Lord’s commendation when they stand before him. Our Lord Christ will evaluate us, not based on our actions, but on our hearts.

If we want to lead this way, we must be willing to die to ourselves — our preferences, our selfish ambitions, and perhaps even to our ideas of what God wants of other people. Paul exemplifies this attitude in his second letter to the Corinthian church. They were questioning his authority as an apostle, and a significant part of the letter is given to his defence of his legitimacy as an apostle of Christ.

Though Paul invested much in the Corinthian church — ministering among them for 18 months and writing at least three extensive letters to them — they were following other self-proclaimed super-apostles who opposed Paul’s influence in Corinth. In his response, we see not only Paul’s confidence as a divinely-commissioned apostle, but also his humble heart of love for this church he had helped plant. He endured afflictions so they would be strengthened (cf. 2 Cor. 1:6). And he spent himself helping them grow, saying at one point “death is working in us, but life in you” and that “all things are for your sakes” (2 Cor. 4:12, 15a). Yet toward the end of the letter he repeats his love for them: “I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved” (2 Cor. 12:15).

Do you see how Paul’s primary concern was not his own comfort, reputation, or recognition? Most of us would probably quit if we endured what Paul endured from this church. But he continues loving them, leading them, and serving them. He is not worried about recognition by men — he lives to please the Lord (5:9). He dies so they can live. He spends his soul for their sake.

Do you feel the weight of this? This is no small requirement. This demands a whole life poured out for the good of others. No wonder Paul said he died daily (1 Cor. 15:31). Whether we really love people is tested in how we respond when we serve and are not recognized, or when someone else gets credit for our idea, or when we pour ourselves into sermon after sermon and see no fruit. Do we really love people? Are we content to see them grow — whether or not we are recognized for our part? Love is content to serve without recognition. That kind of love cannot be produced by our naturally-sinful hearts. It requires transformation in the deepest roots of our hearts.

This demands more of you than you can give. If you try to draw your energy from within yourself, you will not last long. The same could be said of drawing from the benefits of your position as a leader. Though there are real rewards that come with leading, they aren’t sufficient to sustain you, not if you want to lead the way Christ and Paul did. You must get your resources from Christ and serve out of that.

Exploring Applications

There are innumerable implications and applications of the concepts we’ve been considering. I would like to offer a few (somewhat disconnected) thoughts.

First, this should change how we think about “good” leadership. If love is essential to leadership (and it is), and if love is fundamentally a matter of the heart (and it is), we should reconsider what we look for in a leader. Perhaps the main question should not be “Is this person skilled?” or “Is he convictional and clear?” or “Is he experienced?”, but instead “Does this person genuinely care for others?” Skill, conviction, clarity, and experience are hamstrung if they aren’t directed by a heart of love.

Second, realizing the centrality of love helps us place other Christian virtues in relation to love. We will naturally be patient with others if we believe they have as much of a right to our time as we do to our own. We will be kind to others if we actually value their well-being. We will be gentle with the weak and faint-hearted because we care about helping them experience rest in Christ.

Third, we should look for ways to love people by sharing their experiences — both the highs and the lows. Paul says we should “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15). Loving people means knitting your heart together with theirs so tightly that we share their sorrows and joys. Love leads to shared emotions.

For example: I get excited when one of my four adventurous boys finds a frog, a spider, or a slug, not because I have any use for the disgusting things, but because he is excited. I take joy in his joy. Because I love him, his joy becomes mine. And similarly, I am sad when he is sad. I hope to cultivate the same kind of empathy for my brothers and sisters at church, and I encourage you to do the same. Though love begins in the heart, it ought to spill over into our actions and, yes, our emotions.