A Leader’s Character: Humility & Self-Control

Next, we move from thinking about the nature of Christian leadership to the character of the Christian leader. Leadership is less about what you can do and more about who you are. I believe that’s true in every category we’ve been considering — home, church, and ministry. While certain skills are necessary (we’ll look at this later), they are secondary to character. Who you are is of primary significance regarding whether your leadership will be effective.

This is the clear biblical pattern, as seen in the pastoral qualification lists in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1. Other than the requirements to know the truth and be able to teach it, the lists describe normal, mature Christian character such as should be pursued by all Christ-followers. God wants His chosen leaders to exemplify normal Christian character. God cares less about what we can do than who we are. The qualification lists for pastors are notable, not because they are extraordinary, but because they are so ordinary. Christian leaders should model well-rounded, mature Christian character.

Since this is true, we won’t look at every single character trait a leader must possess. Instead, I will focus on a few traits that seem particularly important to faithful Christian leadership.

Christian leaders must be humble

Humility is essentially about where we put our trust. Do we think we have within ourselves everything we need to lead, serve, and love effectively, or do we realize our mortality and our limitations? Humble people realize that they need God’s help to accomplish anything eternally worthwhile. This doesn’t mean apathetic fatalism. Some of the most humble people are the most active working for God. But they are working with God, not without Him. They depend on Him totally. And they want to see Him glorified, not themselves.

When we think of a proud person, we probably think first of self-centered, self-important people who display their pride by putting others down and stealing the spotlight. But pride doesn’t always look like flaunting. Sometimes it collapses on itself, refusing to trust others, to honor their perspective, or to include them in discussions and decision making. Both expressions flow from a self-centered, self-reliant heart.

In contrast, a humble leader trusts that God is at work. Because of this, he is able to involve others in the work. He isn’t under the illusion that he must do everything himself. And he is free from thinking he must be recognized for his efforts, since God’s glory is more important than his own.

Humility doesn’t mean being wishy-washy theologically or being easily pushed around. It is not pride to be confident that God has made the truth clearly known; it is pride to think yourself a better person for having discovered it. Confidence is sometimes confused for pride, but that’s a non sequitur. Moses, the prototypical prophet of Israel, was more humble than all the men on the earth (Num. 12:3). I believe the essence of his humility was the depth of his trust in God’s word and God’s power. Moses was not a self-important person, but he was confident in God and acted out of that trust.

Christian leaders must be self-controlled

In any situation we may be tempted to do what feels good rather than doing what’s right. Sometimes it feels good to go along with the majority opinion; other times it feels good to dissent. Sometimes it feels good to be recognized for actively serving people; other times it feels good to stay home. Sometimes it feels good to let a child’s disobedience go unpunished; and sometimes it feels good to bring justice.

Self-control is the ability to do what you ought to do rather than doing what feels good. Sometimes it means not doing something you’d like to do, and other times it means doing something you’d rather not do. In any case, it means doing the right thing even when you don’t feel like it — and regardless what it will cost you. A self-controlled person is ruled by his will rather than his emotions.

But self-controlled people don’t always embody Christ-likeness. Many people have been disciplined but were guided by selfish or corrupt principles — and wreaked tremendous wreckage as a result. Our self-control must be guided by God’s will; our will must be controlled by God’s Spirit. We need to know what God is doing in this world, and aim to find our place within His work. When our will is aligned with God’s will, we can exercise our self-control to glorify God.

This puts skin on what it means to love people. It takes self-control to do what will benefit others even when it doesn’t feel good, when it costs you, or when it’s just plain difficult. But that’s where love is tested. We find out if we really love others when we must give and have no promise of return.

This kind of love is rare. Paul said of Timothy, “I have no one like him, who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare. For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 2:20-21, ESV). Of all the men he trained, of all the pastors he knew, Paul had only one man who he could trust to genuinely care for the people of the church. If it was rare in Paul’s day, should we expect anything different today? It may be easy to criticize others, but we need to start with our own hearts. Do you genuinely love people, or do you lead for the recognition, for the reputation, for the respect, for the thrill of power, or for the pride of living an exemplary life?

This standard is beyond our ability. None of us will always do the right thing. None of us will always sacrifice, will always serve, will always love. How do we live in this gap between who we are and who we should be? First, we need to believe that change is possible, and ask God for the grace to change. Second, we need to be humble enough to admit that we are never everything we should be. Leaders don’t need to be perfect. In fact, we cannot be perfect, and we shouldn’t pretend to be. Accepting that ourselves and admitting it to others is crucial to healthy leadership. In fact, that may be where real leadership starts.